“I Should Be Further in Life.”
Living in a world that makes us feel like we missed the mark
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“I’m not where I should be.”
How many of us have had this thought? Innocent enough, right? Yet something about it is…insidious. It may not always be in the foreground of our mind, but for many of us, I believe it’s there, lingering in the background.
Feelings of inadequacy are common, especially in a day and age of social media, where nearly every person you know has an entire portfolio of their seemingly perfect, happy life. We know it’s not real, and yet…
Or maybe it’s not about social media at all. Maybe it’s simply about where you thought you would be by now. Take myself for example. I’m about to turn 38 years old. When I was twenty, I didn’t see thirty-eight as ‘old’ as some may, but I did think I would own a home and have a family, and be nicely settled into a career of my choosing. I thought I would be a hairdresser. I took Hairdressing in college, but it turns out, I didn’t have a passion for it. In fact, it gave me intense anxiety, go figure.
Meanwhile, I have a friend who is in their late twenties graduating from medical school. I have friends close to my age with beautiful homes and teenagers — teenagers! I have yet to even start! I have friends who own their own business, and who seem so ‘put together.’ Am I stuck in time? Surely, I should be further in life. It’s easy for me to think that — But that thought is a lie.
The Comparison Trap
“Comparison is the thief of joy.” -Theodore Roosevelt
Many of us have heard that quote. It’s one of my favorites. I need to keep it in the forefront of my mind, lest I fall into the trap. Sometimes, I fall into it anyway — It’s a sneaky, sneaky trap — a barely visible, ever-present pit that blends into my surroundings. I move past it, yet there it is again. It can show up when you least expect it. But I have learned to shift my perspective to help battle this monster called comparison. I would like to share my thoughts and my personal experience with you.
We do not have the same starting place
When looking at how successful someone is, it’s easy to forget this fact. I consider this: Maybe they come from a well-off family. Perhaps their parents worked very hard to save up for their children’s education. Perhaps, growing up, financial, educational, or marital success was extremely important to their caregivers and it was stressed to them from a young age. Simply put: I just don’t know where someone else’s starting point was — but no two people have the same beginning, which means I can guarantee their start was different from mine.